an old, familiar ache

There have been a few suicides in Manhattan recently.  Three, I think, just in the past week.  It's made me sort of realize that I need to take hold of my depression, not be ashamed of it.  It also made me realize that certain things I do to "cope," are really doing a lot more harm than they could ever do good. (See: Marijuana.)


I think that smoking in excess has worsened my most recent depression in a way than I ever could've foreseen.  The fact of the matter is, pot messes with your brain and takes away a certain amount of control you have on your emotions and rationale.  When, in a manic episode, you take any control away from yourself, it is hard to make sense of what is going on in your head or why.  There's a lot of controversy surrounding the issue, mostly because people like to get high and say that they are helped by marijuana, that their thought processes "slow down" helping them to "take it all in" at a more manageable level.  I believe that it is ridiculous to think that your mind is better at handling anything while it is being actively impaired. 
Now, I'm not demonizing the use of marijuana, I think that it can help to heal a lot of people.  It's very good at helping people to break down social barriers within their own minds, and can aid in teaching a lot of people about tolerance and love and self-acceptance.  However, I don't think that chronic use is an effective means to achieve these goals.  Let's not forget that marijuana is a drug, and drugs change your perception of the world and of yourself.  If you begin to alter your perception on a daily basis, you create a duality in your personality (whether you realize this or not,) and, generally, your sober mind begins to feel as though something is missing as a result of abstaining from a drug (a type of hangover, if you will).  This is usually the first step on the road to chronic use.  See, people inevitably will try and pick between sobriety and an altered state, and usually people pick being altered.
There are all sorts of excuses:  it feels better, it's not hurting me, I'm not actually acting any different.
But pot should not be used as a means of dealing with daily life.  You wouldn't suggest to someone to take a shot before going to work, or snort a line before hanging out with their grandma, so why is it okay for them to get high?  It isn't.
Recreational drugs are named as such for a reason.
If you need to smoke to escape or alleviate some sort of pain in your life, then you are forcing yourself into denial.  If you really want to get better, you need to quit getting high and actually fix the problem.  I know how easy it is to not take life seriously, but whether you love yourself or not, someone else does.  If you have a problem, get some help from your friends or a doctor, not from marijuana.
You cannot work through your problems if you're not thinking clearly, and you cannot think clearly when you're muddling up your mind with any sort of drug.



I'd like to point out that this is not an attack on marijuana as a means of having fun or for intensifying a concert/movie/party/day in the park.  I'm saying that it is not a good idea to self-medicate with mind-altering substances.  I don't take anti-depressants, either.